Epilogue...

A year ago, my brother Leonard bet me $50 that I would not stay single all 2013.

I took the bet.

December 20th - I lost the bet.

Here's the story in a nutshell:

We've known each other 7 years or so. He is one of Leonard's best friends as they went to college and lived together.

Late this summer we started chatting occasionally. One day in mid-October, while I was in Italy we chatted all day. The next day, again. And again and again.  We haven't stopped talking.

I had a choice to make. Take a chance, or walk away.

Because I was overseas, I didn't want to make a decision until I was back Stateside.  So, when I got back, I visited him, then he came to Maine to visit me and my family. We had a great time.

There was a small part of me that wanted to wait until next year to make it "official" just so I wouldn't lose the bet.  After all, I'd come so far. I was so close. :) But. It was unfair to him. We had already waited. Plus. I didn't want to. Ha.

So. I took the chance.

After we became "official", he surprised me and said "I have something for you." He went to his coat, and took out $50, and handed it to me.

He paid the bet.

I never asked him to.

That's the type of guy he is.

And that is why I lost the bet.

I don't know what the outcome will be…but my daily prayer is...God's will be done.

Thank you to those of you who read the blog this year! :)  It's been quite the year.

And I'm very surprised at it's conclusion. :)


PS - Incase you're wondering….My brother used the $50 to buy lobster, and invited me and my boyfriend (!) over for a double date with him and his wife.

PPS - My mother asked me to add an addendum in order to avoid any confusion: I HAVE NOT GOTTEN MARRIED. This blog, and the bet I made with my brother was in regards to whether I'd be courting a man by the end of the year.  Which, by today's colloquial standards, means you're not "single". Though, legally, I still am.  Until such time as a wedding band goes on the finger. 

Don't take a chance...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying - Tip #1

• Don't take any chances

Fairly self-explanatory.  Let's say a decent guy comes a long, but you've become so settled, and (though you won't necessarily admit it) you prefer being single. You love the freedom. So you simply write off any decent guy who comes near. You make up some flimsy excuse, and don't explore any options. Even if on paper, things look like they could work really well between you two…..your fear rules. Fear of failure, fear of being hurt. And you let opportunities slip by you. 

I'm not saying to take EVERY opportunity that comes along. But when everything else matches up, and the only thing that remains is your fear.  You'll stay single by not taking a chance. 

I recently became presented with a chance….and had a choice to make.

…Stay tuned for the Epilogue…. 

Be a bum...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying - Tip #13 & #14

• #13 - Stay in your house all day

• #14 - Play video/computer/iphone/ipad/cell phone games

#13 - Especially when I go home. I don't leave the house. I like it that way. I could stay in one place for a week and be completely ok with that. Only interacting with my family….wearing a tshirt and pajama pants all day.  That doesn't usually allow for meeting anyone new. But. It's ok. :) 

#14 - During these days when I have nothing to do (and, in my regular days when I have any sort of breaks…or while watching TV), I will play copious amounts of iPhone games. (Yours may be different.) I've spent hours getting new high scores on different games.  Lately it's been Candy Crush, Hay Day and the very awesome Frozen Free Fall.  Again. Not conducive to meeting anyone new.  

Basically. Be a bum. I like being a bum. ;-)

Kids...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying Tip #15

• Go out in public with a handful of younger kids

This tip came as a suggestion from a married friend of mine with kids. She argues she gets more attention from men when she goes out without her kids.  Makes sense.  It's been my experience that when I go out with a handful of kids (be they much younger siblings/nieces/nephews/babysitting charges), people assume they're mine.  The more kids you have with you, the less likely it is that you'll "Meet Mr. Right".  So. Borrow as many kids as you're able. I'm sure your married friends wouldn't mind some time without the kids. :)

Relationship Status...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying - Tip #22

• Set your Facebook Relationship Status to anything but "Single"

So...I'm guilty, and perhaps many of you are....you friend someone new on facebook....you've just met...so you immediately start stalking (or this could be BEFORE you've met).....you go to their "Info" to see if they're listed as "Single". Chances are, if nothing's listed....they're either A. not looking, or B. "seeing" someone. And of course if it's listed as anything else, then, obviously they're not available.

SO...

I submit if you do not list "single" on your fb page, interested new "fb friends" will be less likely to try and talk to you.  Thereby continuing your single status.


(Not a full-proof tip...but then again, none of these really are. ;-))

Location, Location, Location...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying - Tip #10

• Live in an area where there are simply no decent, single and available guys. 

This can be the most frustrating. Because it's very much out of your control. I've talked to a handful of girlfriends who feel that, because of their location, it's hard to meet anyone new. 

However, since the goal is to stay single, the location makes it easy. So. I submit to you, move to small towns....in sparsely populated regions. 

And remember, even if you should sign up for an online website, don't respond to communication attempts.  See Tip #4

Hygiene...

It's December!  Crazy!

I'm finishing up my time in Italy!

I have some entries I've been meaning to write, so it will be a mad-dash to get them all in by the end of the year. :) 

How to Stay Single - Tip #8

• Don't Shower

This one should be self-explanatory.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm currently unable to shower as often as I like....so let's just say it's a good thing no one is near me, or I'm sure they'd run away quickly. :)

Compliments...

How to Stay Single - Tip #11

• Shut down when complimented by a man

Whenever a man compliments me, I tend to shut down. I don't know how to take it. Especially strangers. Ultimately, it's because I don't know their intentions. 

Obviously not helpful in the early "flirting" stage. (Which, I'm also bad at. Another tip for another day). 

More Impossible Expectations....

How to Stay Single - Tip #6 

Realize you have even higher expectations/desires than you previously thought: 

I recently came across this again:

Imaginary Disney Boyfriend Wishlist 

With the exception of #12 (Never really cared for Jack Sparrow), it's pretty much a YES to everything else.

This pretty much seals it; I'm "destined" to be single the rest of my life. ;-)

Travel...

How to Stay Single - Tip #5 

• Go to Italy for 3 months

Admittedly, this COULD backfire on me. But given the "short" duration of my stay, and the fact that the city where I'm in doesn't hold very many strong English speakers....I'm not counting on anything to happen.

(Incidentally, Bonus Tip #5.5 

• Only be interested in finding someone who speaks fluent English.

I have a hard enough time speaking English on my own. Ideally, it'd be nice for someone who spoke more eloquently than I)

Side Note: I DID run into a guy who was the physical mash-up of Hugh Jackman, Neil Patrick Harris, and Zachary Levi. So. I'm thinking we'll probably get married.

Italy!

Happy 4th of July!

How to Stay Single - Tip #16 and #17

#16. Spend your 4th of July in the following way: 

1. Sleep until 2 PM
2. Lay by the pool reading for an hour.
3. Eat at your favorite restaurant by yourself (Qdoba)
4. Go see Despicable Me 2 by yourself
5. Go to Fireworks by yourself
6. (Tip #17) Rent the following movies at Blockbuster 

• The kid movies make it look like you have kids
• The Rom-Com makes it look like your option after they go to sleep
• In reality. You will watch them all yourself. (In my defense: the only reason I rented the Smurfs was for Neil Patrick Harris) (Not sure if that helps anything)

7. Don't regret a thing

HAPPY 4th of JULY!!

And special thanks to all our troops past and present who've helped keep our country free. 

Avoid meeting new people....

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #4

• Avoid meeting new guys. 

Three specific strategies come to mind: 

        A. Definitely don't introduce yourself to anyone new. It might lead to a conversation which might lead to more.

        B. Don't respond to any attempted communication on dating sites you happen to be signed up for. 

        C. Don't get to know anyone (married, single, male or female) at church because THEY might inevitably introduce you to someone.

I'm guilty of all three. When there's a new guy in any social circle, I wait for them to introduce themselves, which inevitably they don't.

I also have just gotten sick of “communicating” on the dating sites. I'll find nit-picky things about their profile that I won't like, so I won't respond. After a few months of this, admittedly I went ahead and  simply deactivated any online accounts for the time being just to get some space.

In the past year, it's been hard given my schedule to “settle” in at a church and/or get to know anyone. So it's been real easy to not meet someone new. :)

Also. Progress report. It's June. So far so good! ;-)

FREEDOM!!...

How to Stay Single Without Really Trying - Bonus Tip #2

• Be aware of how awesome it is to have freedom.

Should I find myself with a weekend free, there's nothing stopping me from simply hopping in my car and driving anywhere I want. 

I know I'll miss those days. 

So for now, I cherish them. :) 

Be Yourself...

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #2

• Be Yourself.

I'm treading a fine line here, but bear with me, and I'll see if it can make sense.

(Warning: a little more “personal” post than my usual)

I've spent most of my life single. I sometimes find myself saying “If I were different....I'd be different”. Trite. But true. (Usually I say this when I find myself wishing I could take the “easy road”)

I recently came to the realization that one of the reasons I'm single is because I am “myself”.

Here are some of the top reasons I feel “myself” has kept me single most of my life.

Being Myself #1

As I've stated before, I've remained single not from a desire to NOT date, but rather a desire to date the RIGHT men who could be marriage potential.

It would be so easy date for the sake of dating. To lead guys on so I have someone who cares about me. Who'll hold me when I'm hurting, who'll buy me things, and make me laugh.

But I don't. Because 

A. I want to guard my heart. 

B. I don't want to hurt anyone else unnecessarily. 

C. I think it's stupid.

Being Myself #2

I'm quirky.

1. I have a strange nervous breathing habit
2. I snort occasionally when I laugh
3. I say “Poop” and “Stink” and random nonsensical words in place of swearing.
4. I am “too nice”
5. I sing. A lot.
6. I don't burp. Instead I make random internal noises and/or strange hiccup sounds

I'm sure there are others, but admittedly I have been told in the past by some males that most of the above were “annoying”.

Being Myself #3

I'm picky.

Sometimes I wish I were less-so. But, at the same time, I've waited this long. I don't want to settle.

Being Myself #4,5,6

On top of those there's also my values and beliefs which are definitely uncommon in today's society, my current nomadic existence, and the fact that I've tried the online dating thing and now I'm sick of it. All of these factors contribute to my theory that “being myself” is keeping me single.

I believe I know other girls who may be able to relate. I'm sure location and circumstances, and their own quirks make them feel like “being themselves” isn't helping in the “dating” world.

But here's the thing. “Being myself” as a way to stay single will only (Lord willing) last so long. Eventually, (again, Lord willing), someone will come a long who likes me for exactly who I am/in spite of who I am. And I, will like him back.

And that's when “Being Yourself” becomes Tip #1 for “How to get a boyfriend without really trying”.

So obviously this is not “full-proof”. But it IS a tip for staying single until a decent, dateable guy comes a long.

Ultimately, in the end, I'd much rather be the person God created me to be than try and change just to have a boyfriend.

Hopefully you feel the same way.

Hang in there.

We'll make it.

BONUS: This article encouraged me. Perhaps it will encourage you also: 

Ships that pass in the night...

UPDATE – it's been over a month since my last post. Never fear, still no relationship change. It's nearly April, which means, I'm ¼ of the way through my “resolution”. So far so good!

Today's tip:

How to stay single without really trying – Tip #21

• Be a “shipper”.

For those who are un-aware of this term, a “Shipper” is a person who advocates for someone's relationship. Usually in television, movies or books. Usually a romantic relationship. Sometimes just friendships, but, generally, you cheer for a certain couple to “get together”. AKA – Freak out about them.

Basically, they're your “emotional outlet”. You get so invested in THEIR relationship, you have no time to even contemplate having one of your own. Slash, if some prospect comes along, you don't take it because you're waiting for it to be as “awesome” as the fictional relationships.

You can take it one step further and create “Shipper videos”.

(For the record....I have NOT created one (yet). I have ideas, but basically too lazy to actually create one. I will admit to spending a considerable amount of time WATCHING shipper videos....which....is also “pathetic”. But I contend NOT AS BAD as the ones who make them. ;-)) (No offense to anyone who actually makes them. Without you making them, what would I watch at 2 AM?)

Of course I had to go look up some of my favorites so I could provide examples. ;-)

Parker/Hardison - Leverage

Mary/Matthew - Downton Abbey

Barney/Robin - How I Met Your Mother

There are so many other couples....but this provides you with a taste of different types. And different types of song/editing choices.

I could go into what makes a good shipper video versus a mediocre one. But, I think you get the point. 

Expectations

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #3

• Have (Probably) Unrealistic Expectations

I would like a man who embodies all of the following (in alphabetical order): 

Pierce Bronsan

 

Dick Van Dyke

 

Zac Efron

 

David James Elliot

Nathan Fillion

 

Harrison Ford

 

Tom Hanks

 

Neil Patrick Harris

 

Hugh Jackman

 

Matthew McConaughey

 

Dan Stevens

 

David Tennant

 

 

SPECIAL MENTION

 

Mr. Bates from Downton Abbey

 

Aaron Pierce from 24

 Clay Aiken’s Voice

  

 Admit it girls. You have a list. A list like this one, and/or a list of “qualities” you’re looking for.  (Admittedly, I have both ;-)) Sure, the names may vary for you, but, you get the point.

[In all seriousness, I’m still working out whether this is a completely unrealistic list ((Face it Sharon, it probably is)), or if maybe this type of guy actually exists and actually would want to spend his life with me.  Where’s the line between “unrealistic expectations” and “settling”? ]

But back to the point at hand: If you want to stay single, have ((probably)) unrealistic expectations. But don’t think of them as unrealistic, and you’ll stay single without even trying. ;-)

BONUS TIP: Publish your “list” publicly. I imagine it’d scare most guys away. (Like this post no doubt will. ;-))

 

Also: Happy Valentine's Day!

Boquet Toss

How to stay single (without really trying) - Tip #9

• Avoid the Bouquet

I genuinely enjoy weddings. Especially when attended by a lot of friends. However, I will pronounce publicly that I am not a fan of the bouquet toss.  I used to be terrified of it....now I'm just apathetic.  Confession: I have hid in a bathroom in the past to avoid it.

The whole superstition: "whoever catches it is the next to get married" and the inevitable teasing and/or sometimes pairing up with the guy who catches the garter...freaks me out. Which is ridiculous. I know that. But, (to quote You've Got Mail) "I. can't. help myself"

So, when the bouquet toss is anounced, I do go up with the mob of single girls. (I've been yelled at enough to know I should go if only to avoid the wrath of friends). But I make no effort to catch the hurling floral arrangement.

Case in point: went to an wonderful wedding this weekend. Filled with great friends. The bouquet toss was announced. I even grabbed the hand of a close friend of mine saying "C'mon. I hate this, but we gotta go." We stand in the back to get as far away as possible.  But wouldn't you know it, the bride had an arm, so it went flying to the back, litterally whizzing past my face and falling to the floor. Only inches from me. And I just stared at it.

"I'm not picking that thing up!"

Disclaimer: I don't want to make anyone who either chooses to do a bouquet toss, or the girls who ENJOY going for the bouquet, feel bad in any way. I applaud you. Brides: for doing doing what you want to do on your wedding day, and Single Girls: for enjoying, and being excited about catching that bouquet.  (I don't understand you). But I applaud you. :)

The bouquet was picked up in excited fashion by another good friend of mine. (You go girl!)

So: by avoiding the boquet toss you avoid:

A. getting maried next
B. getting paired up with another single guy
C. teasing
D. a bunch of flowers

Helping to keep your "single" status. (At least until the next wedding).


PS - I'm thinking (should I ever get married) of throwing chocolate. Chocolate is something I could get excited about.

Public Solitude

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #20

• Comment Audibly on the iPhone Game You're Playing in Public

A couple of weeks ago I was getting the oil changed in my car. Usually I like to leave and go amuse myself by shopping and/or eating. However, I returned too early and was "forced" to wait in the waiting room while they finished with my car.  

So, I did what most people do now-a-days (since I was already caught up on my fb news feed). I played my current favorite game "Collapse Blast". (get it. it's fun)

Whilst playing it I was unable to stop the barrage of comments coming out of my mouth.  Mostly "Poop!".  

True Story. 

"But he never saw me there"

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #24

From Anonymous:

• Be Eponine.

Sure most of the guys actually prefer her to Cosette, but as Eponine, you're in love with the guy who never sees you there. The guy who only sees you as a “friend”. The guy who falls for every other girl except you: Friend. Enemy. Frienemy. Sister. Cousin. Waitress. Taxi Cab Driver.

Since you're in love with the unattainable guy, chances are good you'll stay single.

But hey. As Eponine, 90% of the audience prefers you to the other girl. You get the better songs, and you finally get your moment with him. Sure you die, but at least he's holding you.  

YouTube Videos

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #7

• Make videos like this.

Self-explanatory.

....I'm probably going to regret posting it.....

(Update 10:15, Jan 15 - YouTube pulled the sound....which makes the video look even MORE ridiculous. HA. Will work to upload a different way and/or just remove entirely. I mean, it could be a good thing) :)

Falling

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #12

• Face plant publicly.

In particular:

A. At Zumba class. (While dancing. Yes. THAT happened)
B. In front of your auditioners. (Skinning your knee and ripping your shoe)

I can announce I got the gig (performing in a Cabaret.  FB invite to come ;-)).  They told me last night, but I received this in an email today: "It was great meeting you yesterday. We "fell" for you just as much as you fell for us....lol"

HA HA.

I got the gig. But there's no way either of those falls were "attractive" 

This is my life. :)

Sneezing - Insight from a Single Male

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #23

• Sneeze obnoxiously loud in public

Today's tip comes from a single male who shall remain anonymous.  He was in line, and a cute girl was behind him. He turned to look at her, she smiled at him, and then she proceeded to sneeze "the loudest sneeze", and so he quickly averted his eyes. Romance over.

I for one know I am prone to sneeze loudly. 

Thus, if you wish to remain single, work on upping the volume on your sneezes, ladies! :)

Roadtrip!

How to Stay Single (Without Really Trying) - Tip #19

• Solo Roadtrip! - Spend the entire day in a car by yourself.

There are perks to traveling alone. You can:

1. Listen/not listen to whatever you want
2. Talk to yourself
3. Laugh/cry to your heart's content 
4. Sing loudly
5. Have a Dance Party!
6. Not worry about having to turn around (twice) because you missed your exit(s). No one noticed. You didn't inconvenience anyone else. Sure you just added 30 mins to your trip. But whatever.